We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
