Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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