it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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