Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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