Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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