Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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