Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need a burrito and a hug.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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