Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
