I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
