Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
