I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
