I'm lost and stupid without you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
