She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
