Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
