The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
