I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
