The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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