apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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