I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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