Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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