Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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