She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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