My liver just broke up with me...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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