Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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