But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
