i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
