If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
