Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
