hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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