Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
