I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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