Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
