So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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