im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
