I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We need to get me chipped asap
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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