my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize