If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
