How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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