I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
