wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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