you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Shame - the story of my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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