Its about making memories worth repressing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
