He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
