One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
