Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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