If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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