my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize