Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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