Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
