Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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