I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
