i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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