I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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