apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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