I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
