i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
