Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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Just invented taco cereal.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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