I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
