If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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