is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
