my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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